Self Discovery- Part 2

Since I wrote that last blog post and have thought through who I think I am, I have a clearer understanding of who I am.

There are so many things that make me unique. I genuinely enjoy getting to know people.  I love to laugh at anything and everything. I am emotional and tend to overthink things. I enjoy the company of others. Lately, I've been obsessed with having people I know take the Myers Briggs personality test. I feel like many sentences from that describe me perfectly.

The ENFP personality is a true free spirit. They are often the life of the party, but unlike Explorers, they are less interested in the sheer excitement and pleasure of the moment than they are in enjoying the social and emotional connections they make with others. Charming, independent, energetic and compassionate

A Letter to The World {Those struggling with self identity, those who don't know what they believe in, those who are hopeless, those who are doing their best and want to be better}

I got it. I am genuinely a good person. I have the best intentions for every person in my life and even people I don't know. I love all the people. I love all the things. I have dreams, aspirations, and constantly daydreaming of who I want to become and what I want to be. I set myself to a high expectation and know I am capable of whatever I put my mind to. I don't know exactly what I want to do and that's okay. I know it will come with time as I interact with people and continue to have life experiences. I read way too much into things. I overthink everything to the point of me wanting to identify myself as a crazy person who needs to be confined in a mental institution. I am harder on myself then I want to be. I work hard to give myself positive affirmation because it's not something that comes naturally. I get more invested with others and what they think about me or anything in general in order to make conclusions or forming my own opinion. I cater to how others and act in a way that I think would please them. I look to others to gain different perspectives which helps me form my own opinion. 

I want to change the world for the better. 

I am a very spiritual person. I have had multiple spiritual experiences that most people would categorize as "just a feeling" when I know it's been more then that. Okay, I don't know but I can feel that it's more than just a feeling. It's the energy surrounding the feeling. I base my belief in God around those spiritual experiences. I can feel there is something out there bigger than I. I don't know why or how he exists (I don't even know if it's a he) and I'm okay with not knowing all the details. I don't think that makes me naive, I think that means I trust in the plan for my life, whatever it may be. I believe there is a plan for my life. It's whatever I make it to be. It isn't layed out for me because it's based on the decisions I make in life. I'm not exactly sure where that direction is but I know it's the direction toward growing as a person and constantly have new experiences. I believe in Jesus Christ. He is all I've known my whole life. I have a general idea of what most religions believe but don't care to look into them because I'm content with believing in Christ. That sits well with me. I've thought about the concept behind it: Coming to Earth to die for us so we can be saved. Why? Why can't we just be here. Why did a gentle, loving, selfless human being have to sacrifice himself in order to "save" mankind? Nobody knows. Nobody. And I don't think we are supposed to know why. I don't know why. I don't know why we have to be "tested." We as humans can't comprehend why that "had" to happen. Those who believe whatever they believe I think accept it because it's what is comforting to them in order to life their life how they please. It's what brings them peace. The world is full of all different kinds of people and that's what makes it beautiful but also destructive. Nothing is ever going to make perfect sense and that's what is unnerving. We want answers. We want to know why. We want to know why C died unexpectedly in a car crash with no sign of drugs in his system. Why did he come home that night when he usually stays at the harbor? Why did God or whoever take him away from his mother who is one of the best humans I know and didn't deserve for her child to die. It's torturous and rude. Why did M die on her make a wish trip? She was so young. It's not fair. The worst realization is WE DON"T KNOW and yep, it's not fair. So how do we live or believe in a "greater power" that allows natural disasters or takes your child or father away? I don't know. We just do. Nobody has all the answers and that's something that we at one point in our lives have to accept. Or maybe we don't have to accept it. Whatever rings true to you. 

It seems there is so much happening in the world right now and it's scary. It feels like everything can go up in flames any second. ISIS. Countries don't know how to get along. Do we let the refugees in? Yes of course they are in danger. But we already have enough people here and what if some of them are terrorists in disguise? Okay so we shouldn't but that's rude. How could you reject humans who need to escape a dangerous situation? How could the church allow children of same sex couple not have a choice to be baptized until they are 18? That child should be able to make that decision. The church shouldn't make that for them. Social media is all of a sudden the only way people know how to communicate. The world is chaos. People are going to disagree and not get along. There is no "right way" to go about handling these issues so do we just ignore them? Probably not. We should be aware of what's going on in the world around us...

I guess my point (if I ever get to it or have one) is to do you. Get to know yourself. Do what you want to do. Enjoy moments. Spend time with people you love. Get to know your neighbor. Confront your feelings. Allow yourself to be sad. Allow yourself to be mad. Allow yourself to be happy. Talk to someone. Talk about how you feel. Talk about your struggles. Also be open to feedback. Give positive feedback when someone is opening up to you. Ask and be interested in others thoughts and opinions. You don't have to agree.