Since I wrote that last blog post and have thought through who I think I am, I have a clearer understanding of who I am.
There are so many things that make me unique. I genuinely enjoy getting to know people. I love to laugh at anything and everything. I am emotional and tend to overthink things. I enjoy the company of others. Lately, I've been obsessed with having people I know take the Myers Briggs personality test. I feel like many sentences from that describe me perfectly.
The ENFP personality is a true free spirit. They are often the life of the party, but unlike Explorers, they are less interested in the sheer excitement and pleasure of the moment than they are in enjoying the social and emotional connections they make with others. Charming, independent, energetic and compassionate
A Letter to The World {Those struggling with self identity, those who don't know what they believe in, those who are hopeless, those who are doing their best and want to be better}
I got it. I am genuinely a good person. I have the best intentions for every person in my life and even people I don't know. I love all the people. I love all the things. I have dreams, aspirations, and constantly daydreaming of who I want to become and what I want to be. I set myself to a high expectation and know I am capable of whatever I put my mind to. I don't know exactly what I want to do and that's okay. I know it will come with time as I interact with people and continue to have life experiences. I read way too much into things. I overthink everything to the point of me wanting to identify myself as a crazy person who needs to be confined in a mental institution. I am harder on myself then I want to be. I work hard to give myself positive affirmation because it's not something that comes naturally. I get more invested with others and what they think about me or anything in general in order to make conclusions or forming my own opinion. I cater to how others and act in a way that I think would please them. I look to others to gain different perspectives which helps me form my own opinion.
I want to change the world for the better.
I am a very spiritual person. I have had multiple spiritual experiences that most people would categorize as "just a feeling" when I know it's been more then that. Okay, I don't know but I can feel that it's more than just a feeling. It's the energy surrounding the feeling. I base my belief in God around those spiritual experiences. I can feel there is something out there bigger than I. I don't know why or how he exists (I don't even know if it's a he) and I'm okay with not knowing all the details. I don't think that makes me naive, I think that means I trust in the plan for my life, whatever it may be. I believe there is a plan for my life. It's whatever I make it to be. It isn't layed out for me because it's based on the decisions I make in life. I'm not exactly sure where that direction is but I know it's the direction toward growing as a person and constantly have new experiences. I believe in Jesus Christ. He is all I've known my whole life. I have a general idea of what most religions believe but don't care to look into them because I'm content with believing in Christ. That sits well with me. I've thought about the concept behind it: Coming to Earth to die for us so we can be saved. Why? Why can't we just be here. Why did a gentle, loving, selfless human being have to sacrifice himself in order to "save" mankind? Nobody knows. Nobody. And I don't think we are supposed to know why. I don't know why. I don't know why we have to be "tested." We as humans can't comprehend why that "had" to happen. Those who believe whatever they believe I think accept it because it's what is comforting to them in order to life their life how they please. It's what brings them peace. The world is full of all different kinds of people and that's what makes it beautiful but also destructive. Nothing is ever going to make perfect sense and that's what is unnerving. We want answers. We want to know why. We want to know why C died unexpectedly in a car crash with no sign of drugs in his system. Why did he come home that night when he usually stays at the harbor? Why did God or whoever take him away from his mother who is one of the best humans I know and didn't deserve for her child to die. It's torturous and rude. Why did M die on her make a wish trip? She was so young. It's not fair. The worst realization is WE DON"T KNOW and yep, it's not fair. So how do we live or believe in a "greater power" that allows natural disasters or takes your child or father away? I don't know. We just do. Nobody has all the answers and that's something that we at one point in our lives have to accept. Or maybe we don't have to accept it. Whatever rings true to you.
It seems there is so much happening in the world right now and it's scary. It feels like everything can go up in flames any second. ISIS. Countries don't know how to get along. Do we let the refugees in? Yes of course they are in danger. But we already have enough people here and what if some of them are terrorists in disguise? Okay so we shouldn't but that's rude. How could you reject humans who need to escape a dangerous situation? How could the church allow children of same sex couple not have a choice to be baptized until they are 18? That child should be able to make that decision. The church shouldn't make that for them. Social media is all of a sudden the only way people know how to communicate. The world is chaos. People are going to disagree and not get along. There is no "right way" to go about handling these issues so do we just ignore them? Probably not. We should be aware of what's going on in the world around us...
I guess my point (if I ever get to it or have one) is to do you. Get to know yourself. Do what you want to do. Enjoy moments. Spend time with people you love. Get to know your neighbor. Confront your feelings. Allow yourself to be sad. Allow yourself to be mad. Allow yourself to be happy. Talk to someone. Talk about how you feel. Talk about your struggles. Also be open to feedback. Give positive feedback when someone is opening up to you. Ask and be interested in others thoughts and opinions. You don't have to agree.
Friday, December 11, 2015
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Self Discovery- Part 1
Beginning Self Assesment Activity Instructions
- Create a presentation in a format of your choice (document, recording, Powerpoint or Prezi, webpage, blog, etc.) that describes the person you believe you are today
- Don't be afraid to identify areas that you are unsure of or exploring
- The best assessment is to identify areas you feel strongly about and areas you are seeking answers to
- Include at least 3-4 of the following questions to answer in your presentation:
- What makes me the unique person that I am?
- What am I currently leaning towards in a major and career?
- What special interests, skills and/or abilities do I possess that could lead me to my desired lifestyle or occupation?
- What would I like to be "best" at in an industry or profession?
- What types of things would I enjoy doing the majority of my time on a daily basis?
- What would my dream job look like?
- Add anything that will help you clarify the person you are today and the things that you gravitate to in a major and career
- When you have created your "Beginning Assessment" presentation, place a copy in your CareerPassport binder for future reference.
Who do I believe the person I am today is? That's a big question. I don't even know where to start so I'll start with how I thought I knew who I was and who I think I really am. I am still going through this process of figuring out who I am. I believe I am still me at the core but I have learned so much that it is almost as if I am a different person. I guess the easiest way to describe this is to start with my background. I grew up (it makes me want to cry cause it used to mean so much to me and I want it to still but I feel like I've been better off without it---yep, tears coming) in the LDS church and like I mentioned, it was everything to me. I lived my life based off that religion. That is how I defined myself. I just realized this. Just now. I had a conversation with Steevo the other day. I said, "her type is LDS boys" and he argued back saying type isn't about religion, it's about their personality or looks. The way I presented myself and acted around others was based on the LDS church and not me. I never trusted myself, I ALWAYS looked to others for guidance and counsel. That isn't a bad thing but I've recently been realizing I need to trust myself. I need to live my life for ME! WHAT DO I WANT! Am I getting off topic? It's still difficult for me to wrap my head around because I just totally processed everything I was taught in my life in the "wrong" way. I want to blame my parents. I want to blame the church but it all came down to me and how I perceived things. It hurts my brain. I believed I believed in God. Here's what it was. It came to a point where I was never happy. I was basing the way I act around the beliefs of the church. And when I finally realized I can make decisions for myself, I was happier. I have to want it for me, not for other people. That's what's confusing cause I thought I wanted it for me but apparently not. That's a hard realization to come to. I think I've figured out who I am through typing this all out. I was g chatting Taylor while writing this and I'm going to post our convo cause I feel like it might be helpful sometime.
nevermind haha how would you define "type" like he's not my type
ummm.... like they dont have the qualities i look for in a person
Taylor •
would that include religion?
I think it could...?
Taylor •
if someone said "he's not my type cause he's catholic, would that make sense?"
yes!
Taylor •
interesting
thats what i thought
does your religion define your personality? bhaha sorry if this is annoying i am just interested to hear your input
not annoying
i think people can let it define their personality... but i dont think it has to
Taylor •
do you think its healthy for it to or it just depends on the person?
like for me personally... i would say i hope it defines my personality in way that make me charitable and loving.... but i think im very good at separating church from my personality when it comes to judgments and people who may be different?
Taylor •
okay i think i get that
YES i get it!!
I let the church define my personality. I was never happy cause I never felt like I was good enough...I was to an extent but I don't think I really was until I stepped back and realized I let it define how I acted?? But I think I believe in it. I have to do that. I have to differentiate the two...
cause going to church makes me feel like im a failure at life but i just have to accept im doing the best i can i guess?
and i think you have to differintiate
Taylor •
i think you have to too
lol didnt mean to send that yet
Taylor •
oh well it made sense anyway haha
i think you have to differentiate between the gospel and the culture... i think a lot of people get caught up in the culture (needing to be perfect, needing to be married, needing to be a house wife, etc etc)
Taylor •
yes thats what it is
but the prophets teach us to be perfect so that confuses me cause its impossible for humans to be perfect
perfect like christ
maybe they haven't said that, that is just what i interpret?
We will NEVER be perfect on this earth. But perfection is just something to strive for... at least that is how i look at it
Taylor •
hm. okay
In the words of Dieter...
"I want to tell you something that I hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.
Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.
God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths,but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect, and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It’s OK that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself."
"I want to tell you something that I hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.
Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.
God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths,but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect, and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It’s OK that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself."
Taylor •
so is the path of discipleship different for everyone? its interesting cause i was doing everything I could to strive for perfection and i hated that. i would get so depressed cause i realized it's nearly impossible...and now that i have stepped back and am doing what i feel like i am capable of im so much more comfortable with myself but feel bad that i've stepped back from something were taught is supposed to make us happy in the long run...so i need to find a balance with being okay with where i am at?
does that make sense? hahaha i always feel like im all over the place and can never put into words what Im thinking
that makes sense.
i TOTALLY think our paths to discipleship will all be different
because our personalities and wants and needs are all so different
for me... the idea of being perfect is something i honestly never even think about. my personality focuses more on the small stuff
Taylor •
and i am the exact opposite. which is probably why i have always stuggled with it
one of the reasons at least
my brain hurts hahha
lol!!
the important thing is that you are a good person.
Taylor •
is it really tho??
i think there are always going to be times when we are closer to Christ and then there will be times when we are further from Christ...
I think instead of focusing on the idea of 'perfection' we should focus on our relationship with Heavenly Father.... because when that is a priority I think the perfection will follow...
Taylor •
hmmm. i definately felt closer to christ when i was more invested in the church but i wasn't happy with myself so thats confusing for me haha
i just need to accept this process and get the clicker from men in black to restart my brain
and yes i totally think that matters. you have all the fundamentals of being a disciple of Christ. you are one of the most loving people i know.
Taylor •
gahhh youre gunna make me cry!! hahah
i can think of PLENTY of people who may be doing all of the basics to be perfect but REALLY lack in the love
Taylor •
lightbulb! i was unhappy with myself cause i was doing it cause i was told to not cause i wanted to. i need to want it for myself- not just go through the motions cause were taught to
EXACTLY
Taylor •
was that connected to what you said??
i mean... no but it makes complete sense
Taylor •
for some reason the love vs doing made that connection for me?
and i agree
that makes sense
so yes
Taylor •
hahha oh man you are a good person to put up with me hahaha i feel bad cause you never tell me things. IF YOU HAVE THINGS TO SAY I WANT TO KNOW SO TELL ME PLEASE
hahahaha when i am thinking about these things and answering it totally helps me and makes me think about why i believe what i believe
Taylor •
yessss good to know!!
i feel like youre on the other end rolling your eyes and being annoyed and overwhelmed by my deep thinking haha
NOT AT ALL!!!! i feel like ive gone through of these same thoughts and feelings the past year or so as well!
Taylor •
oh really?? im not aloooooone! i need to talk about it and i get the best insight from you.
oh you are definitely not alone!
Taylor •
well i appreciate you.
and i am ALWAYS open to talking about these things. because it helps me too
Taylor •
yay! what is you doing after work?
im heading to chelsies to make our europe movie!!
what are you doing?
Taylor •
My brain hurts. I need to digest all of this and I will report back tomorrow to continue. This will probably take a while. I shall title this Part 1 haha
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